I Feel Defeated…  Let’s Go Shopping!

I Feel Defeated...  Let's Go Shopping!

Hey.  As you can tell by the title above, this article is going to be about how I’m feeling at the moment, which is not amazing.  Fear not though, I promise not to get too depressing or emotional in this article.  I just need a minute to chat about how I’m doing.

A few months ago, I wrote about how I was going to write more on my blog about things in pop culture again, and put my thoughts on life and how I’m feeling to the side for the moment.  So, do I feel any better than I did a few months ago?  Yes, and no.  

Why I feel a little bit better…   I try not to let things get to me now as much as I was letting them get to me a few months ago.  I’ve tried to learn to live with how life changes, and how you just have to try and adapt to those changes as best as you can.  Even if those changes make you sad and break your heart.  

Why I don’t feel any better…  You know how I mentioned a few months ago how life had begun to feel like a daily non-stop roller coaster?  Well, that roller coaster is still very much in full swing, but now it’s going at a much, much, much faster pace.

Unfortunately, in life, nothing is certain.  The reality of getting to a place in life where that’s a constant thought in your mind day after day is a completely exhausting and scary place to be.  I never quite understood until last year, and more recently, how one of the truest things in life is the saying “Well, at least you have your health”.  Health is so very important, and often we don’t really realize how true that saying is until it is compromised.  Especially, when the health of someone you love gets compromised, and how you feel helpless to fix it and make it better.

I’ve tried my hardest these last few months, and more recently, to try and think more positive, despite how I’m actually feeling.  I truly feel that if you make the effort to think positive it can make a difference for the better internally.  Although, it’s been very difficult to keep a positive vibe going day after day when it feels as though my world is slowly falling apart before me.  

Some days, I’ll find myself feeling somewhat decent during the day, and I’ll think, today was okay.  Then hours later, I’ll randomly find myself thinking about my current reality and just start to heavily cry and cry and cry for minutes on end.  Me remembering now how I said I wasn’t going to get too emotional in this article, and then I went and got emotional.  Anyways…

What has made the days more recently a little bit easier to get through, honestly, is some retail therapy.  If Broadway was a real possibility right now, I’d definitely be seeing shows right now instead, but when Broadway isn’t an option for some instant joy to take away the harsh reality of real life, reality therapy it is!

I forgot how much fun it is to just go to Target or the bookstore.  Just walk the aisles of a store, and see something that catches your eye.  Especially, something on sale because isn’t it just the best to get something on sale!  For most of 2020 and 2021, because of life going on pause, I only went to the grocery store, along with the occasional trip to the salon to get my hair cut.   It was only at the end of May of last year that I finally started to get out again.  So, in a way, I’m making up for lost time you could say.  

Retail therapy is fun, but that happiness is very much short lived.  When I go out, I’ll find myself zoning out, taking a pause, if you will, from what’s going on in my life.  I’ll go to the bookstore and see a book on the shelf that’s on sale, and for a brief moment in time, I forget my current reality. 

Hours later, though, like always, that joy that I felt from the purchase of a new book has vanished, and I’ll find myself crying tears of frustration and sadness about how scary and uncertain life has become for me on a daily basis.  On the bright side, though, my bookshelves now are more filled then they were before, so at the very least I have more books to choose from for my next book read.  So, I guess, there’s that at least.

This article was about how I’m feeling and how I’m coping with how I’m feeling, which I know is not great.  Don’t worry, though, I’m kind of over retail therapy, at the moment.  I’m currently feeling a bit shopped out which I’m happy about because despite shopping being fun, it does not, in any way, take away the sadness that one might be feeling from within.  

I’m happy with myself for being able to get to a place where I can talk about how I’m feeling on my blog and not be too depressing or too emotional in my writing.  I mean, sure, yes, there were a few sentences here and there where I talked about crying, but for the most part I think I did okay with saying how I’m feeling and not getting too existential along the way.  Dare I say…  Improvement?  It’s never easy to hear someone say they’re not doing well, so I thank you once again for taking the time to read what I have to say.

I hope you are all doing well.

Before I go…

BooksFeel free to leave in the comments your current favorites in pop culture.  TV, theater, movies, books, songs, whatever is your current favorite whatever of the moment, I’d love to hear what it is!  Pop culture takes my mind off of reality, so I thank you in advance for your comments on your current favorites in pop culture!

As always, thanks so much for reading and for listening.


Author: Jodi Fisher

Hi! I’m Jodi! My dream is to live in NYC, see a Broadway show every single day, and write about the arts for a living. Until that delightful day arrives, I’ll be over here blogging about my love of the arts!

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