Summer is that time of year, for me, that really makes life worth living. Days filled with sunshine and blue skies. Days where the weather outside may be way too warm out, but that doesn’t really matter so much because swimming in a pool or the beach is always there. And lastly, it’s been the days of summer that, in the past, had always been able to bring a sense of hope and happiness to me that today would be a good day.
A few months ago when spring arrived back around again, there was a day where I woke up and just for a moment forgot about the reality of our current world. After months and months of the cold weather of winter, there was this day where I woke up and was greeted with sunshine outside my window. And with that spring sunshine there was a slight warmth in the air, and I instantly felt that feeling that I always feel when the weather warms back up again. That feeling of how it’s too nice to stay indoors today. And then as fast as that feeling appeared, it quickly disappeared a moment later when the realization of everything going on came flooding back into my brain.
In the past, it would be these spring and summer days of waking up to sunshine that in a sense would be as though a button was being pushed that would re-energize my spirit and brighten my mood instantly. A hopefulness that I felt return to myself again. A hopefulness that comes only but once a year. A hopefulness that only the seasons of spring and summer can bring to me. A hopefulness of really taking in life, enjoying the outdoors, if even only for an hour or so.
This year many things are now different. Those days I had been dreaming about in the winter of spending time outside during the summer months to take in a swim for an hour or so, have become like daydreams of better days from another time. It was these days of swimming in a pool that just made everything better. To see the sizzle of the hot sun glistening against the cool water, could in a moment lift my mood and just make me feel better. Going for a swim and looking up at the blue sky above me, has for the last few summers, made life just a little bit nicer and a little bit easier to get through for me.
For many, many years much of my time was spent indoors, unfortunately, because I suffered from stomach related issues. In the last few years, my stomach issues have improved. And thanks to this improvement I started getting back slowly to doing things again that I once use to do. Like going for a swim outside during the months of summer.
These average ordinary days in the summer of taking in a swim, had truly come to mean everything to me. It didn’t matter to me if the water was cold or it wasn’t that nice of a day out for a swim. Such as a day where there would be clouds upon clouds that filled the sky above with not one sparkle of sunshine anywhere. It was on these days where I would still go to the pool for my daily swim. After years of the daily struggle of knowing my stomach would ruin any chance I could have at any kind of an actual real day, I appreciated every time I made it to the pool for a swim. To be able to look up at the sky above, to see the trees around me, to hear the sound of the wind wrestling against the leaves of the trees, to just be outside to see all of this truly felt like a piece of heaven. The water in the summer, whether it be at the pool or the beach, just makes me happy. It makes me smile, and every time I went for a swim I felt a sense of calmness of feeling okay about life.
I know many pools are opened this summer. Although, for me, this summer is different from past summers of looking forward to taking that swim that could lift my spirits and ease my mind. I went to the pool in the past to relax, to get some exercise, to shut my mind off. It was fun, carefree. This summer to go to the pool would seem like work. And while I know there are precautions that are being taken to make sure everyone going out for a fun day to take a swim is safe, it just feels like there’s too much to think about at the moment, too much to worry about to actually enjoy that swim. I suffer from anxiety, and it would be these daily swims in summers past that had the ability to help my mind to just pause, to not think or worry, to just enjoy the moment. And I feel, as though, this summer if I were to go to the pool my mind would never shut off to actually be able to enjoy having that nice summer day outside with a swim.
Past summer days spent outside always had that magical ability to bring a smile to my face. This summer there have been days that have gone by where I haven’t even looked outside the window. This summer my happiness for this time of year has instead been replaced with sadness. In many ways, when I actually do look out the window or sit outside, it’s not the same. That happiness that could lift my spirit from it just being summer is not here this summer, and is instead replaced with just the sadness of feeling time slipping away and not getting to enjoy it. The days have melted from one to the other. Where nice summer days have become like cold winter nights.
I, more than anyone know how staying home day after day can affect oneself. That’s why when my life started slowly becoming mine again and not just my stomach’s, I came to really appreciate every single moment I got to do something. This article wasn’t just about me missing swimming this summer, it was about how it’s those average ordinary everyday things that can mean so much to someone to get through this life. And how I look forward to having that happiness return back to me again hopefully someday.
I hope everyone is doing well. Thanks so much for reading.